I don’t share my Smarties

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I have absolutely no shame about this. I keep a stash of chocolate that I don’t share with anyone. Especially not the kids, ’cause I don’t want them to get cavities and stuff you know. Every mom needs this stash of something just for her. A stash of her favorite thing that she should eat without feeling guilty. This time I got Smarties from Dollarama. 

I kept it in my coat pocket. Yesterday when I walked the girls home from school, I sneakily ate those candy coated little bits of heaven while muahahaing inside. I felt like such a rebel.

“Ha ha ha. I am eating Smarties by myself and you guys have no idea!” Evil Me said inside my head.

“Mommy are you listening to me?” Asked Twin 1.

“Of course I am honeybun.” I smiled innocently at her, Evil Me muahahad again.

If you want to keep your sanity while dealing with all the craziness involved in raising children you need to treat yourself often.

If you are married to a Desi guy you need to indulge yourself in some secret luxury everyday. While you slave over the kitchen on the weekends while he does nothing (Desi men don’t help with house work) you can secretly gloat over the fact that you didn’t wash his 10 pairs of jeans. You just threw them in the dryer with lots of fabric freshening sheets. Oh yes I did.

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“Muahahahaha!”

 

Please don’t push your nestlings out of the nest!

sleeping with baby

(Image from The Guardian)

Co-Sleeping Benefits

You have brought your bundle of joy home from the hospital. You have a beautifully decorated room, and a crib you finally approved (your husband has still not recovered from your trip to nutsville). Now  if you put that tiny cherub in that crib with a monitor while you sleep in the next room….I don’t know who you are, but I will find you!

No, not after a couple of months either! I don’t care if you are the President’s personal secretary and need your space, sleep, silence, have to be fully functional the next day, whatever. You are a mother first. You signed up for this, you weren’t forced into it unless of course you are some weird real life version of Anastasia Steele or something creepy like that.

That gift of God has been inside you for nine months, listening to your heart, feeling your warmth, the closest any living thing will ever be to you (besides your mother). You can’t just snatch that away. I know what some of you may be thinking, it’s dangerous. That is why you were given common sense, now please start using it. You may have to make a few adjustments in your room, do it.

Studies have shown that co-sleeping is beneficial and children who co-sleep with their parents as infants are more independent and confident than those who didn’t get that security. Most Asian parents co-sleep with their infants and children usually move into their own beds when they are toddlers or a little older. Breast feeding and cuddling have both been linked to higher IQs in children. It is so much easier for Mommy if the child is sleeping with her. So before you decide to put your baby in a room by themselves, please do a little research.

More Snow!

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We had more snow :) Anyways I was able to write some chapters. Hurray. Whoopie. I am still not finished. I ended up reading loads of news and conspiracy theories that should cause plenty of anxiety and depression. But not for people who love snow. So while the world may be heading for disaster, I will enjoy the snow. And everything else because when you have lived as long as I have in a city like Karachi you are a certified “I can live through anything” so might as well enjoy the ride.

A couple of days ago when the offspring were afflicted with sniffles and coughs I had to hold them down and pour disgusting purple colored grape smelling syrups through funnels I jammed in their mouths.

Twin 2: “If Mommy was my kid, I’d make her drink this stuff ALL THE TIME!” She was reasonably upset.

Well it comes with the season, can’t avoid it. But here is a better tasting alternative :http://khaulamazhar.wordpress.com/2012/10/16/aachoo-season/ If you can get the kids to drink this it is really good for them. Besides being good for colds ginger and turmeric are good for detoxifying other icky stuff you don’t want running rampant in your body. Happy Snow!

 

 

 

Attention Moms!

I had planned on posting something different, but I came across this and felt it is very important. Some time ago I got a letter from the Public Health Services. It was for a vaccination for my teenage daughter. I misplaced the letter and forgot about it. I am glad I did.

Otherwise I would have just gone and gotten my daughter vaccinated without any questions. But since I have started this novel I am writing I have been reading endless news articles that you won’t find on the evening news, conspiracy theories, cover ups, and stuff that just makes you wonder about the things you thought you knew. I have started to question and I feel like I am waking up.

I found the letter and decided to read about this vaccine, we didn’t have it when we were kids. It is the HPV vaccine. If you have not gotten your kids vaccinated then don’t, at least not before you see these links. I have decided I am not going to risk my daughter’s health or even life, you can decide for yourself.

What They Don’t Want You To Know About HPV Vaccines (Videos)

30 stunning facts they don’t want you to know about Gardasil and HPV vaccines

Learn more: http://naturalnews.com/037154_Gardasil_HPV_vaccines_scientific_facts.html##ixzz2kRxNQkZV

 

Gardasil – the Cervical Cancer Vaccine? FDA Approval Not Based On Actual Cancer Prevention

There are tons of other articles if you are still not sure, however after watching the video I had made my decision. I hope this post was helpful to moms out there, please share so others can benefit.

(Google image of Emile Munier oil painting)

Where the Wild Things Are

Video

Today is Maurice Sendak’s birthday. I have five wild things. I live where the wild things are. Wild Cauliflower has some Palestinian friends, they’ve been enlightening her on some of their customs. They ululate when they are really happy. I had no idea what that was, so Cauliflower demonstrated in the car while we were parked outside FoodBasics surrounded by other people sitting in their cars listening. Wild things can often be very embarrassing, but I like being where the wild things are.

Mother’s Day Weekend

On the first night of Mother’s day weekend my family gave to me,

The chance to go out and watch Iron Man three!

On the second morning of Mother’s day weekend my family gave to me,

Two twins fighting and the chance to go out and watch Iron Man 3.

On the second afternoon of Mother’s day weekend my family gave to me,

Three older children screaming, two twins fighting and the chance to go out and watch Iron Man 3.

On the second evening of Mother’s day weekend my family gave to me,

One gone out with friends husband, three older children screaming, two twins fighting and a chance to go out and watch Iron Man 3.

On the Sunday of Mother’s day weekend my family gave to me,

Pancakes doused in syrup, one gone out with friends husband, three older children screaming, two twins fighting and a chance to go out and watch Iron Man 3.

On the Sunday evening of Mother’s day weekend my family gave to me,

A fridge depleted of groceries, a poop filled litter box, fifty loads of laundry, innumerable dirty dishes, crayon decorated walls, Cheerios covered carpets, one seriously in trouble husband, five brawling children and I don’t even remember seeing the damned movie.

On the Monday after Mother’s day weekend my family gave to me,

An empty house full of serenity.

This is what I got Sunday morning.

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And two hand-made one of a kind bracelets made from fuzzy pipe cleaners and beads obtained from Dollarama.

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This is some of what I dealt with when everyone was finally out of the house.

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There were twice as many dishes in the sink and on the counter, and some were extracted from underneath beds and desks.

What were you treated to on Mother’s day?

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All pics courtesy of moi.

Lumpy Space Princess

I don’t know why I never watched this cartoon, but my Cauliflower introduced it to me this weekend. I wanted to write a post on Mother’s Day but I found this and have to share it. I couldn’t stop laughing. It’s so lumping funny!

The Perks of Being a Cauliflower

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Little girls are like flowers. Colorful, delicate and looking at them just makes you feel good. Until they turn into teenagers. Then they become cauliflowers. And if you still have flowers in the house, you stop bothering with the cauliflower, because let’s face it…cauliflower?! That is just fine with the cauliflower as they prefer to be left alone and not nagged or babied or lectured or what-everrrr! Just leave them alone and let them vegetate.

 

My cauliflower is a gifted artist and an incredibly lazy teenager who would rather flop in a remote corner of our abode and watch other people’s cats on YouTube. I’ve been bugging her to make a blog showcasing her work and get to know others who have the same interests, make new friends etc etc ie quit wasting her time laughing at the antics of unfamiliar felines because she is giving our cat an inferiority complex. Also I am tired of scanning, snapping, saving, collecting, preserving her work that often lies around until it decomposes unless I rescue it.

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The purpose of this post is to recruit your help. Like, share, comment, lecture, nag, yell etc to show her that she really should do something more useful and stop torturing our cat with her hurtful preference of other cats. All the pics here are of her work, except the cheerful cauliflower which I got from Google Images. Enjoy.

Photography

002 (2)                 khaula and MM 2

 

Mehdia studying             MM observing sky

Painting

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Sketches

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Stuff you do with clay

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I have a ton of other stuff, but I am hoping she will stop being such a cauliflower and DO IT HERSELF!!

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Look at our poor complexed cat. She needs to be videoed and uploaded to YouTube.

 

Black and white cats are awesome

Our cat, Patchy Patch, is so awesome. Most cats are. And she loves to jump. This is her:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=YxZorzMIcYE

My daughter put her video up on You Tube. She is the most adored member of our family and can get away with murder, but she is such a sweetie. She doesn’t have any Diva demands like many cats, she does not come and sit on my head at 6 a.m demanding to be fed but waits patiently for everyone to get up and then she wants to be petted first. Her stomach is her second concern not her first. The only problem she does have is falling into the toilet whenever someone forgets to put the lid down. Which is often.

No, this is not Patchy, I would not embarrass her by posting a picture of her at her worst. This is someone else’s cat I found on Google Images. How could anyone do that to their cat?

She is the subject of many photographs shot by my five-5-year-old, Twin 1, who knows more about my cell phone than I do.

I don’t know how Patchy manages to keep her patience with a persistent five-year old who continuously sticks a camera up her nose.

Twin 1 takes pictures of everything. She says she is going to be a cake decorator when she grows up. I seriously doubt it.

(Cat in the toilet is courtesy of Google Images the rest are courtesy of Twin 1)

It’s Always a Good Time

I yelled at the kids to go to sleep early one Saturday night in the summer vacation so we could get up early and be out of the house by eleven at the most. I woke up at 11:21. Everyone was up before me. No one realized that they could not actually leave the house if I was still snoring away. So I had to start yelling again as soon as I woke up. They just wanted to let me sleep in, isn’t that sweet? The day I need to wake up early, they finally let me sleep in. My kids make sure my vocal cords get plenty of exercise every day. The thing is I don’t really dream of being an opera singer.
After ranting about the height of negligence that my kids and their father have been endowed with, I started making brunch and packing picnic food. I had marinated the chicken the night before. Good thing I have an obsessive compulsive disorder with organization. Unfortunately this does not go good with my absent-mindedness. But that is life. Isn’t it ironic, don’t ya think?
Picnics are loads of fun with five kids. I pack enough stuff to make you believe I was going away for a month. 5-year-old twins mean you need lots of extra clothes and towels. You never know who is going to decide to get carsick. They’ve been trained to give a 5 second warning so I can catch it in a plastic bag.
So I make an Olympic record for the best time in the ‘make breakfast, feed kids, pack picnic, yell at kids to get ready, close all lids on toilet seats, feed cat, and push everyone out the door’ event. We get in the car and as soon as we are in the kids start fighting over seats. No one wants to sit at the back with the twins. I can’t blame them. Who the hell enjoys catching vomit in a plastic bag?
We had to stop to buy buns and drinks. And coal. And lighter fluid. Because husband does not have any sort of obsessive compulsive disorder and efficiently tunes out when I start listing off ‘things to do’. So I sit in the car while he buys stuff, and try to ignore the kids who are arguing about who will sit where on the way back. I receive a phone call from husband, “I can’t find the buns”.
By 1:45 we were sitting outside the second grocery store because husband could not find coal at the first. After 25 minutes he comes out smiling. Success. It took two people 25 minutes to find lighter fluid. We finally move on. On the road husband realizes someone’s door is not closed right. At the first red light we all open and slam the doors really fast, green light we drive on but one door is still not closed right.  Change radio station because no one likes the song. Yell at kids to stop yelling at each other. Next stop light, door open, door slam, door still not closed thank you ma’am. Kids still yelling at each other about whose door is not shut properly. Teenage daughter only has enough strength to hit her brother in the back of the head and that is all. For anything else her hands seem to have no life. Have to change radio station every two minutes. Husband wants to know why all the songs sound exactly the same. We pull into someone’s driveway and husband gets out to close the door shut.
Teenagers are now commenting on all the ‘swoggy’ people they see on the way. As if they are full of swag themselves. Change radio station.
At the lake finally, more bickering among offspring. Who will pick up what and why they get to pick up that particular object. Deciding on the perfect spot takes about 20 minutes, but by now I have started to tune everyone out. It is such a beautiful day. Warm and sunny. We are finally settled, I just want to get in that water. I walk in and my longed for peace is replaced with horror. The water is freezing. God dammit!
“We don’t even have to try it’s always a good time..O o o ..”
(All images are from Google Images)