Oh You Bleeping Ignorant People!

Warning: this post is by the Angry Woman living in this pushover’s head. And I SWEAR!

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This woman’s head I live in is so polite it’s PATHETIC! She is such a god damned pushover, makes me sick. I should have been in some interesting head like Charlie Sheen’s or Lindsay Lohan’s. But sometimes I manage to get out and when I do….it is so fucking epic. Brings tears of joy to my eyes.

One day she is in the mall with her friend, just window shopping. Who the hell goes just window shopping? Buy me something goddammit! Spend dumb ass husband’s money, HAVE FUN! But does she listen. No. Then as she is trying to ignore me screaming in her head this lady walks right into her. And polite stupid dumb ass that she is, she turns and holds her to make sure the lady doesn’t fall, spouting “So sorry”s and “are you alright”s as if she ran over her foot with a fucking bulldozer or something. What does this lady say to her?

“Oh you fucking ignorant people!” She screams at her. Talk about fucking bad breath.

And what does Dumb Ass do? “I said I’m sorry…” and  she just stares as this racist bitch continues to insult her. Then she walks away.

“WTF!” I scream at her. “You go back and put that bitch in her place, she can’t say things like that! It’s 2013!”

“Maybe she was having a bad day.” She says to me.

“Let me out! I’ll take care of that dumb fuck and her bad day!” I say to her.

“No. And stop using foul language.” She says.

Just shoot me.

 

 

March break is over. Yay.

March break is finally over.  As soon as all the kids went to school yesterday I did the happy dance with my cat.

During March break, the kids were everywhere.

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They were coming out of my ears.

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They were messing up their bedroom.

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They were messing up the kitchen.

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They messed around at Bradley House Museum. And learned how to make maple syrup.

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They messed around at the zoo.

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They messed around at the museum.

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They even messed around with the cat.

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This is what I felt like while they were in the house:

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And this is what I feel like now:

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So I can go back to this:

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What did you do in March break?

(All pics by me. Except the lady dancing with her cat. That is Google.)

10 Excellent Ways I Wasted My Time Today

I write and I love to write, the thing is I get a little distracted sometimes. Okay, yes most of the time, but I always try to learn from my mistakes and have developed really useful ways to get distracted. Here are today’s excellent time wasters:

  1. Since I slept late the night before (because I was writing !) I had a hard time getting up. I wasted time by continuously pressing the snooze button.  When I finally managed to wake up, I went to the kids’ room shook them all violently and declared: “This is the fifth time I have tried to wake you guys up, don’t blame me if you miss the bus now!”

2. I fell asleep in the bathroom while brushing my teeth.

3.  After kids left for school, I sat and watched the Weather Channel. I had originally meant to turn it off, but then I realized that they keep advertising Emily Vucovic’s wardrobe by Thyme Maternity because she is actually pregnant.  And then I fell asleep on the sofa.

                             

4.  I opened up all my email accounts, still didn’t find the Life Changing mail that will tell me some top literary agent is dying to sign me for every word I will ever write. I signed out of all of them, waited five minutes while trying to look busy in the kitchen, then checked them all again.

5.  Half an hour and no new mail later, when my eyes started to turn watery from staring at the unchanging screen, I again signed out. Then I explored all the interesting stuff on Yahoo like: “Rihanna shares bikini pics”, “Canadian fast food vs. world”, “Aguilera snubs Bieber”  and most important of all: “Pippa takes heat over racy party”. You know how besotted we Canadians are with Royalty (and all their relatives).

6.  Checked mails again, just in case those idiots wonderful agents realize what an awesome writer I am.

7.  Tried to figure out how Twitter works, still don’t get it. Husband thought I am busy in writing the next NYT Best Seller.

8.  Pondered what to cook for lunch, went through 47 different recipe websites, and saved 38 incredibly mouth-watering recipes. Then heated left-overs in the microwave.

9.  Looked at pictures of the awe-inspiring recipes I saved as I ate corn chips and drank coke that had gone flat thanks to my kids. Then I googled “ways to lose weight fast”.

10.  Facebook.Nuff said here.

So how do you waste your time?

(All pictures are from Google Images)