Family Dinner Discussions: How to talk about politics, drugs, poop and bad jokes.


Dinner time and weekend breakfasts are great. When you all sit and eat and talk about stuff together. With all the kids there. My kids have grown older so they spend less time with me now. Or should I say I no longer have some small child clinging to my ankles crying its little head off because the cookies are finished or the cat is sleeping or unicorns aren’t real. I know a time is coming when I will actually miss that.

That going crazy trying to cook and clean and feed and do laundry, all with kids fighting and crying and lacing themselves up around my shins. Ok I guess it won’t be too soon that I will miss all that because every time I see a pregnant woman I drop down to my knees and shout “Hallelujah that’s not me!” I do love my kids though.

Which is why eating together is great. You know food, talk, love blah blah blah. Food is an excellent catalyst when it comes to loosening up tongues and inhibitions. We talk about everything at the dinner table. From politics to lame celebrity news to drugs and farting. We use language that would be otherwise frowned upon, but food just makes everything ok.

A couple of days ago we were eating when one of my teenagers commented about weed. I have learned so much about weed since my annoying inbetweeners became teenagers. For example I had no idea you could make weed brownies. Not that I am planning to or anything. But I feel quite appropriately enlightened. My seven year old twins know what weed smells like. I always thought it was a skunk gone haywire somewhere. This was good motivation to convince the kids that anything that smells that bad can’t be good. They have assured my they won’t smoke it. I have assured them I won’t always be around and they need to make smart decisions and will be accountable for their own actions. I then went on to tell them the grisly details of drug addiction. I hope those nightmares stay with them forever and they pass it down to their kids someday.

Brownies 024

These are baked without weed. Really.

Political discussions usually come on Saturday morning when I am making parathas and Teen 1 makes the omelet (du fromage btw-always). No matter what we start out talking about, it always winds its way to politics. And then there is much shouting and screaming. Especially after Teen 1 claims I am racist. I then tell her, very loudly, exactly what racist it, I was born and grew up in Canada when people were less enlightened and very racist. I am not racist, I just have a keen interest in conspiracy theories.  War is a big money maker, wars are planned. For the greater good of the privileged few.  And I am Mom, I have seen the world. I am right. End of discussion. Go read some damn history books.


Seriously though our kids only know what the media tells them, they need to read more books. I lecture on this at great lengths, I know they will retain some of it, and realize there are two sides to every story, someday. Just like I did.

Then of course there is poop. No discussion is ever complete without poop or fart jokes. Or some other jokes. Yesterday Teen 1 whipped out her cell phone in the middle of dinner to tell us some great jokes. They were awful. I hope you enjoy them as much as we did. (Note:extreme stupid ahead)

What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The Holocaust.

Why did the boy drop his ice cream?

Because he got hit by a bus.

What’s red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint.

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

What’s green and has wheels?

Grass. I lied about the wheels.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

How do you confuse a blond?

Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?


Dave who?

Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother’s Alzheimer has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

Where’s my tractor?

Why are black people good at basketball?

Dedication and hard work.

Roses are grey, violets are grey. I am a dog.

What do you discuss at the dining table?

(All ridiculous humor from here


Whistle Blowers

I love “political thriller/conspiracy theory/Matrix/the world is not what you think” type novels and movies.  I started writing something that comes under the above category, which means I actually read more and write less. There is so much interesting stuff on the internet it just sucks you in and hours fly by in minutes.

Some stuff is pretty scary, some just plain ridiculous. But all of it really addictive. I have a very suspicious Google search history now. If I suddenly disappear…TELL THEM I WAS JUST A HARMLESS WANNABEE WRITER!

I read all the whistle-blower stuff to fit it into my future best seller. Seriously I think Americans should stop making fun of Canadians for being polite and living in igloos, they may have to move in with us to escape all their Agent Smiths. And Neo is Canadian.

I dunno what do you think? Should you go back to sleep or wake up? Maybe George Orwell knew what was coming. In any case I am happy in my igloo.  And you are being watched.


Why Malala?

This was on Yahoo today:

Malala, survivor of Taliban, resented in Pakistan hometown

Interesting article and even more interesting comments such as:

“May be Pakistanis never learn. What can one say. Why even such articles get published? She is a hero and will always be. A male shopkeeper of course would never appreciate her….”

“She is a bright, articulate girl forced into the spotlight because of the violence done to her. ”

“She is trying to make Pakistan a better and safer place to live. A place to live in peace !”

I have two questions for these people. Do you live in Pakistan? Do you know what is really going on there?

The only information you have is what your media is giving you.  There may be a handful of people who resent Malala. A large percent are proud. And then there are the  few people who have enough intelligence to question.

Why? Why Malala?

Within a few hours the news was all over the world and President Obama condemns the attack and offers air ambulance services. This was honorable of him. But why only for Malala? Why didn’t he ever condemn the deaths of hundreds of children of Pakistan who have died in Drone attacks in the past four years? He has authorized 193 attacks and over 800 innocent civilians are dead. How many Al-Qaeda? 22. (Read this)

These children had names. They went to school. They wanted a better life. But they weren’t shot by the Taliban. So it doesn’t count.

UN  Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon declared the attack as  a ”heinous and cowardly act.”

It was a heinous and cowardly act. And what about the random killing of three men by Raymond Davis? One of the men’s widows committed suicide, another attempted suicide:

 “The man murdered my husband and I demand justice. I don’t care if he is American he must not be allowed to get away with this,” Shumaila said.

No one condemned anything. Raymond Davis went home.  The men were mourned only in Pakistan. They weren’t shot by the Taliban. So it doesn’t count.

Laura Bush wrote an article in the Washington Times, one day after Malala was shot. She lauds Malala and condemns the Taliban, of course it must be a bit personal for her due to 9/11. Does she condemn the deaths of  30 000 innocent Pakistanis since her husband started his war on terror?  Your 9/11 is their 24/7 even after all these years. These were civilians. They had nothing to with the Taliban. No article to the Washington Post for them.

Madonna dedicates a song to her at her concert and shows off a ‘tattoo’ of Malala’s name on her lower back. Nice to know how aware she was of the tragedies of Pakistani children.  I want to see the name of this child tattooed to her back: His name was Syed Wali Shah and he was only seven when he died in a Drone attack.

He was someone’s child. Living flesh and blood. He had hopes and dreams. He was not killed by the Taliban, that is why you don’t know him.

So yes, some of us do question why Malala? Her coverage has the world focusing on one thing ; Pakistan’s rampant militancy. Ironically it wasn’t the problem it is today before 9/11. So question everything.

(I want to point out that Pakistan doesn’t just have Malala. Have you ever heard of Wajiha the little girl who drives a rickshaw to support her family? Of course not. Do you know Firdaus Begum the woman who runs soup kitchens for the poor against incredible hurdles? Have you heard of child activist Iqbal Masih? He was 10, he stood alone without the support of a family to fight against bonded labor. )